I see a bad moon a rising….
I remember in 1981 being deeply affected by the John Landis movie An American Werewolf in London. Although it was a comedy-horror flick at which I laughed, I had horrific nightmares for several weeks afterward. It was then that I learned, most profoundly, that I am much too sensitive to watch horror movies.
Maybe it was because there was something beyond realistic about the transformation which the main character, David, went through during the full moons phase. It's no wonder the movie won an Academy Award for best makeup and special effects; it indeed was brilliant work. One of the things that struck me the most, was that deep-down David was a good guy. He had no desire to be so sick, twisted, and evil. He never wanted to kill dozens of people or wreak such havoc wherever the creature in him went.
Once he finds out what he is, he loathes himself and desperately seeks a cure, even attempting albeit, unsuccessfully, to kill himself. At the end of the movie, we find David has transformed yet again into the hideous werewolf. He is appeased momentarily by the voice of his fiancé and calms down long enough for police to shoot and kill the creature, killing him as well.I may be nuts, but I understand David much more than I wish I did.
I see trouble on the way…
A change comes over me when the moon is full. It wasn’t a werewolf’s bite which caused my affliction, but that of an infected deer tick carrying Lyme Disease.
I try to hide away during the full moon’s phase so that no one will see me in my altered state.
The transformation is painful. My body is wracked with such pain that my cries resemble howling. Unexpected groans escape my pursing lips as my limbs quake, cramp, and tremble. My muscles feel as though they are burning, or what I imagine it would feel like to be on fire anyway.
I am taking on a metamorphous. I no longer look or feel the same.
Invisible ropes pull my body in different directions, making me clumsy and slow. Unlike David, super strength is not part of this deal. Quite the opposite. My body grows frail and numb, except the regions that are writhing in pain. I feel as though I'm dragging thousand-pound cinderblocks from my ankles when I move my legs, and my wrists are somehow tied down to my sides. Lifting my arms proves an impossibility.
My senses of hearing and sight become heightened to the point that I hide from the light and cringe at loud noises. I begin to wonder if I will ever again feel normal or if I’m always to be a shameful creature marked by sweaty bangs plastered to my flustered, rash covered skin, and glazed over eyes void of light.
Don’t go around tonight, it’s bound to take your life…
My mind moves in a fog; I rock back and forth like an insane woman; it numbs the excruciating pain that is swallowing me alive. At times my thoughts are savage. I am easily angered, and the least infraction can cause inner rage. I am like a zombie for whom there is no known cure, searching for my burial site. I can't think straight; can't remember what I said or did mere minutes ago. In my head, it's night, and the moon only serves to highlight and thicken the murk so I cannot find my way.
Claiming that a moonlight metamorphosis is responsible for ungodly pain levels sounds mad to those who have never experienced it. It doesn't matter. Those of us who have suffered this fate are accustomed to being accused of mental and emotional instability. We are used to being thought of as attention-seekers, but we know the truth.
There are two apparent similarities between the full moon and the reproduction cycle of Borrelia Burgdorferi. First of all, they both occur on an average of every 30 days. During this phase, NASA scientists will tell you that the gravitational pull of the earth increases. In turn, this alters our bodies internally even though we may not notice it, much like the ocean tides. We can't feel the gravitation pull, however animals (including bacteria) certainly can. Many mammals only mate and reproduce during a full moon cycle.
Secondly, the full moon changes the atmosphere around us. This has to do with the electromagnetic field around Earth which has a subtle, yet tremendous impact on our bodies at the cellular level. Electromagnetic energy increases and animals migrate and mate. So does Borrelia bacteria. It’s during this time that Lyme bacteria are rearranging and reproducing in one’s body around the full moon.
There’s a bad moon on the rise…
So, I'm not crazy or rabid. I'm just fighting, like so many others with this hideous disease. I'll keep fighting. To educate others, to help impact prevention, and to live unencumbered and free of the transformation that the full moon does to my body. Maybe someday I’ll be able to sing a different song about the moon, a song about flying among the stars, love and kissing.
I hope. To the moon and back, I hope.