For my husband Chuck, and I, laughter is not an option. Here’s a few highlight reels of the comedy we experience in our lives.
Chuck: I'm dying
Me: You're not dying. You have a cold.
Chuck: I haven't been able to breathe all day.
Me: It's 6:30 am.
Chuck: I think my fever has spiked since you took it last.
Me: I took your temperature less than 5 minutes ago. It was 98.6.
Chuck: It's at least 105. That thermometer must be broken.
Me: It's not broken. You don't have a fever.
Chuck: My lungs could be in danger.
Me: You probably have Ebola and it's very likely that your spleen needs to be removed. Your liver may fall out at any moment. You look like you might also have rickets, bubonic plague, the measles, impetigo, rubella, polio, and PMS.
Chuck: I knew it.
Me: My brain hurts.
Chuck: Oh don't tell me you're getting sick, too!
The other day in a galaxy close by…
Chuck: Is that piece of lasagna still in the fridge?
Me: That is not the lasagna you're looking for.
Chuck: Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me, woman!
Me: *Holding lasagna* You want this don't you? Take it! Take it and strike me down and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete!
Chuck: No! I'll never join you!
Me: Oh! I'm afraid this lasagna will be fully operational by the time your friends arrive!
Chuck: Friends? Who said anything about friends? Now give me the lasagna! There's still good in you, I feel it!
Me: Rock, paper, scissors?
Chuck: Hey, Baby what's the title of the new kid's book you're writing?
Me: Sorry, I can't divulge that information until the book is ready for production.
Chuck: Aww I already know what it's about so come on you can tell me!
Me: Ahh but you don't know what it's about. You only think you know.
Chuck: Huh? Wha...??!
Me: Who is the biggest movie teller in the history of mankind? Who can't NOT tell what happens in the next scene? And who spoils movies I haven't seen because he has no self control in that area? WHO?
Chuck: *In Eeyore voice* Me. *sniff* It's me.
Me: I rest my case.
Chuck: Maybe you should've been an attorney.
Me: If I had I'd have prosecuted you for movie telling.
Chuck: Go write your book!
Me: Don't make me kill you off in my novel. 'Cuz I'll do it. Don't think I won't.
Chuck: The grout on the kitchen counter tops really needs a good cleaning.
Me: It's totally clean.
Chuck: It's all brown.
Me: The grout IS brown.
Chuck: I know! We need to steam clean it or something.
Me: No, I mean it's really brown.
Chuck: That's what I said. It's so dirty that it's brown.
Me: No. I mean. The color of the grout itself. It's always been chocolate brown. It's not dirty. That's the natural color of the grout. Brown. Brown, brown.
Chuck: Has it always been that color?
Me: For 13 years now. Brown. Chocolate brown.
Chuck: You don't say.
—Laugh, it’s good medicine and it drives the haters insane!